Valentine's Day looms on the horizon, and at this point in time, it's crucial to have a V-Day strategy in place if you want to survive. (Unless you don't mind grappling with a gaggle of procrastinating husbands in the Hallmark aisle, that is.) And we have a radical suggestion: this year, skip the flowers, the conversation hearts, and the chocolate in favor of something a little more unique, a little more thoughtful, and a little less time-consuming than rifling through the leftovers in the Target candy aisle. Behold, a few solid ways to do it up big this V-Day, Scoutmob-style:

Give the gift of pampering:
Got a highfalutin dinner date lined up? Treat your special lady to a mini-makeover worthy of a night on the town, courtesy of the talented pros of the Melrose & McQueen Blow-Out Bar, where mundane mops are transformed into magnificent manes with nary a pair of scissors involved. If your significant other really just needs a moment of peace 'n quiet, treat him or her to a day of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation at Little Five Point's Jazmin Spa, complete with hydrating facial and a one-hour Swedish massage.

Give the gift of carnivorous consumption:
Does meat possess aphrodisiacal qualities? The world may never know—but it's worth a shot. For Ron Swanson types who frequently find themselves whipsawed with meat-lust, a mighty pulled pork sandwich or behemoth burger can be more alluring than the finest of jewels or the rarest of roses. For the former, we suggest a bacon-centric pork feast at Bone Lick BBQ or a carnivore's cornucopia (plus the moonshine) at Smoke Ring BBQ; for the latter, nothing can quite compare to the majesty of Barrelhouse's Bobby Dodd Burger: pure, unadulterated beef bliss. Take that, oysters.

Give the gift of handmade:
Baffled by gift-shopping for your better half? Stymied about their style? We happen to know of a nifty little marketplace of inspired, handmade goods where there's truly something for everyone (no, really; we're not exaggerating). And the best part is, you don't even have to pick something out. Just snap up one of these bad boys, put a bow on that sucker, and call it a day. May you never have to resort to plastic roses again.