In homage to the Grinch's heart growing three sizes this time of year, we marched on over to one of our favorite creative cooks to dream up what a proper Whoville feast might be like to gobble up over the holidays. When we met Autumn Stanford back in 2012, she had just introduced New York to the wonders of the kolache, a doughy pastry that can be stuffed with savory or sweet fillings. Since then, she’s expanded from traditional kolache flavors (our long-standing faves are the Blueberry & Sweet Cheese and the Sausage, Jalapeño & Cheese) to fun flavors like Peanut Butter & Jelly or Pumpkin Pie. Like many of us, Autumn grew up listening to Boris Karloff's haunting voice tell tales of fantastical dishes like Who Pudding, Rare Who Roast Beast and the occasional can of Who Hash, and was ready and willing to aid us in our quest to figure out just what these strange eats might be like in real life. The added bonus? Her ideas on how she’d go about making them (in kolache form, naturally).
“Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.We’d normally see Who Pudding as a nice, fluffy dessert, but since the Whos are digging in pre-dinner, Autumn suggested going the savory route. “For a nice custard-like breakfast, I’d go for an egg soufflé with cheddar and smoked applewood ham — and dye the eggs green for a more Dr. Seuss: Green Eggs and Ham homage.” (Sounds like an amazing kolache filling to us.) It’d be a little to easy to say a Rare Who Roast Beast would be made of beef, so Autumn suggested some prehistoric meats, too. “If it were beef, I’d make a roast beef kolache with Swiss Cheese and a Russian dressing,” she says, adding with a laugh, “But I could see the Whos having something like a woolly mammoth. Or if it was a bird, something strange, like an emu.”
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!”
So what else might be at this festive Who meal? Perhaps some colorful additions and outlandish meats. “They would definitely have Brussels sprouts and a lot of spiral-shaped things,” she says. Yep, we could definitely envision some tiny cabbages and twirling casseroles heaped on a Who table. “I also could see them having a huge roast with a big bone sticking out, like what you would see on the Flintstones,” Autumn also envisions a bevy of colorful dishes, like a green mint jelly accompanying the meat, and maybe a jello salad or two for good measure. Fluffy whipped cream ambrosia, anyone? Even the Grinch couldn’t resist that.
And the food of Whoville doesn’t have to be our only inspiration – the place itself has its own wacky charm that lends itself to our taste buds. Mount Crumpit, where the Grinch planned to ditch all of the Christmas trappings, had us speculating on some Seuss-themed scones. “I could also picture a mountain made out cinnamon rolls, “ Autumn says. “Our cinnamon rolls are shaped a little like muffins. The top swirls up like a Whoville kind of mountain. I think with a bunch of them put together, we could build one.” (Count us in to help eat it.)
Brooklyn Kolache Co. is located at 520 Dekalb Ave. and open daily. Go ahead, treat yourself to your own bit of Who feast.