While the unattached may escape couple-centric Valentine’s Day expectations like pricey restaurant prix fixe menus and exorbitant gifts, single New Yorkers have their own questionable February 14 options to contend with—ranging from singles-only cuddle parties to speed dating. Don’t fall prey to the pressure to abandon all dignity on this day of forced romanticism by adopting ten cats and mainlining ice cream. Instead, check out one of these decidedly not creepy Valentine’s Day events geared towards singles, and rest assured that you’re probably having more fun than your off-the-market counterparts as they scour the Hallmark aisles.

Whitman & Bloom Anti-Valentine’s Day Bash
Drown your woes (or celebrate your singlehood) at Whitman & Bloom, where the restaurant welcomes you with a complimentary signature cocktail upon arrival. Down the drink and hit the dance floor to groove to tunes from a DJ from 10 p.m. until late—or find that special someone with the right moves.

The Anchor Bar
Conquering a punch bowl may seem like a thing best done in pairs, but The Anchor Bar is giving a big middle finger to couples by gifting a punch bowl to any table of single ladies who make a reservation for Friday, when it will also be bumping with tunes from DJ Kalkutta. If cocktails are more your thing, the Soho lounge is also running a discount on its entire line of signature drinks for the evening. There’s just one rule: No referring to it as “Galentine’s Day.”

Union Hall: Love Bites Power Ballad Sing Along
You could grab an unfortunate friend and yammer about what went wrong in your last relationship until their ear falls off, but sometimes it’s better to let out all of that pain and angst karaoke-style. Head to Brooklyn’s Union Hall for a night filled with the power ballads of the ’80s and ’90s. In addition to videos from wailers like Bonnie Tyler, Aerosmith, and Poison, expect air guitar contests, a costume contest, themed drinks (Kiss From a Rose, Eternal Flame) and free candy.

Bloody Valentine’s Weekend
If the thought of Valentine’s Day throws you into a murderous rage, aside from probably being a prime suspect in the next missing person’s case, you’ll also find kindred spirits at Blood Manor this Friday and Saturday. In honor of the holiday, the murderous manor’s sexiest zombies will be making the rounds and handing out free signed copies of their calendar to a few lucky patrons and/or necrophiles. And hey, at least you can say you got some action this weekend, even if it was getting the living daylights scared out of you by the undead.

Unloveable: A Smiths and Morrissey Valentine’s Day
Misery loves company, or so the saying goes, so when you want to wallow in the sadness of being alone, Brooklyn’s The Bell House will be there to welcome you with open arms. On Friday, NYC tribute band The Sons & Heirs celebrates the day of love by crooning out songs about heartbreak from the Smiths and Morrissey. Along for the ride are comedian Dave Hill and Rolling Stone’s Rob Sheffield, so at least the miserable company has a strong pedigree.

The Rejection Show at Littlefield
With a theme like “Find Someone to French,” Littlefield’s rejection-themed comedy show promises to help the rebuffed get over their heartbreak. Performers including Eliot Glazer, Lizz Winstead and Ophira Eisenberg spill their best breakup stories, with host Jon Friedman (fittingly the author of Rejected) leading the heartbreak parade. Also expect a healthy smattering of love songs and live music.