A Cone of Fries at Pomme Frites
There are few things as satisfying as a drunken trip to Pomme Frites. A big cone of freshly fried potatoes is just what a whiskey-soaked mind needs to quiet its ramblings. Pro-tip: despite how much your heart longs for it, do not, we repeat, do not get the double just for yourself. You will regret this while you make every futile attempt to stuff just one more fry down your aching gullet. (Double pro-tip: If you choose to do so despite our warning, it is okay to cry.)
A Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dog at Crif Dogs
With not one but five options to choose from, this place is
A Shack Stack at Shake Shack
We’d be remiss not to include this classic New York heart attack on a bun. It’s a cheeseburger, piled together with a fried Portobello mushroom, lettuce, tomato and ShackSauce. What more could you want? Oh, yes, bacon. Definitely add the bacon, too.
Red Velvet Waffles & Buttermilk Fried Chicken at Soco
Some may frown upon having cake for brunch (we wouldn’t, of course) but what if you just took that cake and made it into a waffle? See? It’s brunch-appropriate now. Then to give it a few more food groups, top it off with some crispy buttermilk fried chicken and you’ve got yourself a bona fide meal, folks.
Nutella Arancini at Arancini Bros
It has Nutella in the name, do you really need to know more? Well, these rotund beauties come to us in the form of arancini, a popular street food from Sicily. The Arancini Bros are Brooklyn’s masters of the sport, frying up the perfect golden-hued balls of risotto. Word to the wise? They also make these with Strawberry Mascarpone and Chocolate with Peanut Butter Mousse. Bring your ravenous sweet tooth along for this ride. (Do not tell your dentist.)
Bonus: If this is all just too much for you, we recommend just grabbing a dozen doughnuts at any one of these fine establishments. You haven’t given up on life, you’re just celebrating a national holiday in style. Carry on.