Because we all love a survey that makes living in DC sound completely absurd, today we're looking at the latest work of the Council for Community and Economic Research (C2ER), which asserts DC is the ninth most expensive city in the United States. (Three of those ahead of us include, Manhattan, Brooklyn and, somehow, Queens.) While we admit we're not shocked to hear DC can get a bit pricey—we once paid $12 for a jar of almond butter at Whole Foods (feel free to judge)—we're scratching our heads at the actual numbers C2ER came up with, at least as reported by US News & World Report, who coughed up the $95 necessary to look at the report directly. (We blew all our cash on overpriced almond butter.) Here's the scoop: "Homeowners spent $8,798, and renters paid $6,444 [per month in total expenses]."

Well, here's a bit of info that we're giving out for free: if you're paying that much, you're doing it wrong.

But first let's figure out what exactly this survey is measuring, just so we know who we're about to school:

"The Cost of Living Index measures regional differences in the cost of consumer goods and services, excluding taxes and non-consumer expenditures, for professional and managerial households in the top income quintile. It is based on more than 50,000 prices covering almost 60 different items...based on six components—housing, utilities, grocery items, transportation, health care and miscellaneous goods and services.

Oh, so this really is about the cost of almond butter, or at least the top 20 percent of earners who live in the DC area's experience with almond butter. Basically, if you're rich, DC is the ninth most expensive city in the United States to live in. Now if only rich people needed to care about expenses...hahahhahai'mjealous...

But for real, even if you are one of the area's top moneymakers, unless you have kids or are really into almond butter (no judgement here), what in the world are you spending over six Gs on per month?

If it's rent, you're definitely getting ripped off. The most money we know of anyone paying for shelter here is just upwards of $5,000, which is split in half by two people and goes toward a mortgage in a newly renovated, superbly designed house in Mt. Pleasant. As for renters, at the risk of over-sharing, your Scoutmob editor pays $1,000 per month, or just under half the cost of a 1-bedroom she shares with another person and an overweight cat in Logan Circle. We know even more people who pay less than that for rooms in group houses in Bloomingdale, Petworth, Columbia Heights, Capitol Hill, H Street, Mt. Pleasant and other desirable urban 'hoods.

Look Read, we're not saying DC is cheap by any means. Twelve dollars for almond butter is absurd! And more seriously, comparable living costs in cities like Chicago or Portland (whether you're Scrooge McDuck swimming in a money vault or recycling mayonnaise jars to use as drinking vessels—you're welcome for that hot, but disgusting tip, by the way) would probably cost us half as much. But the bottom line and general meandering point of this essay is this: despite what headlines about this survey seem to insinuate, DC is not so expensive that it's unlivable for those of us who aren't in that top tier of earners. We're a resourceful bunch. In the words of Corcoran graduate Tim Gunn, real Washingtonians know how to make it work.—MP