There are two things we can always count on DC for: 1) a radical July 4th national fireworks display; and 2) incredibly tacky USA gear. While most locals spend a lot of time avoiding the latter, if there's one day to indulge in all the stereotypical red, white and blue gaudiness, July 4th is it. Of course, even though every piece of USA flair is fit for a worst-dressed list, depending on what ugly item you go with may correlate to your going-out preferences. Here are five pieces of not-#swag paired with five corresponding pyrotechnics-viewing venues. Which one fits your personality?

American Flag Balls

This is for the sporty type. You seek a wide open space where you have room to play a game of catch with your friends. The Mall is an obvious choice, but a slightly less crowded open space is the Iwo Jima Memorial, just across the Potomac in Arlington.

American Flag Silky Scarf

You're the fancy type, who prefers a nice meal to a sweaty crowd. If this is your hideousness of choice, you'll enjoy watching the 'works from the lovely roofdeck at 1905 Bistro, just south of U Street in Shaw.

Plush Uncle Sam Hat

Oh boy... You're the life of the party, maybe? Your best bet is to hit up The Reef in Adams Morgan. This laid-back spot also boasts of the best roof decks in the city. Plus, it's prime for leading a USA chant up and down 18th Street.

American Flag Slatted Shades

Favored by hipster for several years now thanks to Mr. Kanye West, these repulsive shades are perfect for anywhere on H Street, but the place most primed for fireworks viewing is the Rock and Roll Hotel's expansive roof deck.

American Flag Tie
You, sir, are all business. Perhaps it's a good time to impress all your VIP friends by getting your USA-clad dapperness on a boat and watching the 'works from the water. In that case, you probably own your own yacht. But just in case that tie is more likely to be wrapped around your head than worn with a multi-thousand dollar suit, get your friends out to Jack's Boathouse in Georgetown.