Once called the “sanitation service” of food products by Washington City Paper, DC’s famous—or infamous—jumbo slice has become legendary. And ubiquitous. These way-larger-than-are-healthy pizzas are served up in shops all over DC, from U Street to Brookland and everything in-between and around. Yet while many of us relegate ye olde jumbo slice to drunken one night stands, what does the pizza think? We caught up with a jumbo slice, anthropomorphized it and came out with the following Q&A. Check it:
SCOUT: So… why?
JUMBO: More like, why not?
SCOUT: No, I actually do mean why? You’re kinda gross…
JUMBO: Yet, you want me.
SCOUT: Ask me again after I crush a few more cans of Four Loko. But seriously, why do you exist?
JUMBO: Ask me that again after you crush a few more cans of Four Loko.
SCOUT: Touché. But really, what’s your history?
JUMBO: Well, two big balls of dough met each other one fateful night in Adams Morgan, rolled around together, got a little kinky with some sauce and cheese, and voila! The rest is history. (And outlined in this video made by Travel Channel.)
SCOUT: So, what you’re saying is that you were kind of an accident…
JUMBO: I prefer unplanned, thankyouverymuch.
SCOUT: Are you ever insulted that people seem to only like you when they’re drunk?
JUMBO: Correction! People like me more when they’re drunk.
SCOUT: Whatever makes you feel better, dude. But now I want to touch on a another subject, your weight… As your name suggests, you’re pretty hefty.
JUMBO: Yes, my stature can be a bit intimidating. But I’m not ashamed. I’m just one slice yet I’m the size of a medium pizza. I say it’s just more of me to love.