By Meredith Fineman
So it’s almost back-to-school time, except now you’re a real verified adult. Instead of worrying about perfecting your smize for your school photo, you’re worrying about turning something already boring into an even more boring Powerpoint presentation. The transition out of summer break (even if it's just in your mind) can be harsh, especially if not everyone in the office took every Friday off, or took a few days in Miami and did things you wouldn’t want your best friend to see even if she were drunk and in a particularly non-judgmental mood. The point is, you’re tan, you’re happy, but it’s back to reality. Here are some do’s and don’t for reentering civilization:
Do show off your tan.
You worked hard on that. Nothing says “screw you I have a Hamptons house…share house…kiddie pool in my apartment” like a nice fat tan. Continue to boast this by wearing lots of white and pastels, which make you look even tanner.
Don’t share your Facebook pictures.
I don’t care if you won three bronzes in Jello Shots in a Fourth of July drink off. It’s unprofessional. Save those photos for your grandkids.
Do kiss your summer hook-ups goodbye.
Summer is a time for very little consequences, lots of SPF and even more frustration from grill owners when you ask them to whip up a veggie burger. Apparently veggie burgers aren’t supposed to be grilled, EXCUSE ME. I wasn’t trying to insult your grilling, Kevin, but I was trying to watch my waistline considering I ate my face in nachos last Saturday. Anyway, you probably smooched someone, but here’s a newsflash: it’s most likely over. Unless you carry that over to weekends in the fall picking apples and wondering if he or she is coming over for Rosh Hashanah. Not happening.
Don’t regale your boss with tales of drunkenness.
Unprofessional. Makes you look bad. But you can brag to a coworker or two, as long as you already don’t like them and you know their opinions don’t matter.
Do buy some back to school supplies.
Because for nostalgia’s sake it’s fun to stand behind an anxious 13-year-old trying to color coordinate her folders at Staples and let her know there is life after 8th grade. Plus, you definitely should make it a priority to put an obnoxious motivational poster on your office wall.